


We may not be afraid anymore, but we still aren't perfect.

by sweetkisses



Series: The future with you [2]
Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Boys In Love, Coming Out, Eddie freaks out a lot, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks, Sadly the other losers didn't fit into the story, also no pennywise, it's the 90's, this is a sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-16 06:42:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12337524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetkisses/pseuds/sweetkisses
Summary: Eddie goes to college with Richie by his side, the first semester isn't the best for them.





	We may not be afraid anymore, but we still aren't perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! A few of you commented on my earlier fic asking for a sequel and I whipped a little something up. I hope you all enjoy it, it may not be all fun and games but that is life. Again I don't have a beta so let me know if there are any mistakes, also I haven't read IT so no judging. 
> 
> Again put your thoughts and feelings in the comments, thank you!

“If you do or say one thing to embarrasses me I swear I’m going to murder you and send your body back to your parents in Derry.” Eddie hisses to Richie’s ear as he adjusts his -Richie’s- AC/DC shirt for the millionth time that morning.

“Aw, but Ed’s sometimes I can’t control myself around you.” Richie smirks and places a hand over Eddie’s jean shorts. Eddie smacks his hand away violently and steps away from him.

“I’m serious Richie. This is a new start for us, I don’t need to be know as the short hypochondriac anymore-,”

“You’re still short though.” Eddie ignores him.

“I can be Eddie Kaspbrak who is smart with-.”

“A fiancé secretly living out of your dorm room.” Richie rolls over from where is laying on Eddie’s bed, watching the smaller man adjust his look in the body length mirror. Richie rests his face on his arms that he folds underneath himself.

“I’m serious Richie please don’t embarrasses me.. Just be yourself but not as....yourself?” Eddie looks at him in the mirror, raising his eyebrow at his lanky fiancé on his bed. Today he starts his first day on campus at his new school. Well, yesterday was when he moved into his dorm room with the help of his mom. While she was in her absolute worst mood, sending her only son off into a different state with new germs and diseases threatening him. Thankfully he survived her by promising to stay into his dorm all day besides leaving for classes. Thankfully, she got him a single dorm room, “I don’t want you living with someone disease written” she said to him. Eddie couldn’t be luckier for that, it makes it easier for Richie.

After she left, leaving behind a suitcase of medicine, Richie was knocking on his door and dragging his own suitcase inside. He was waiting in his car all day that he parked in the dorm parking lot, casually smoking and waiting for Ms. K to finally fucking leave. In Richie’s suitcase were his clothes and then a stack of his favorite music and comics that he put on Eddie’s desk next to his school books. Eddie smiled because they shouldn’t but they fit so nice together.

Anyways, today is the ‘ _freshman get together!_ ’ day where all the clubs and organizations on campus get together for the freshman to explore. It is the first day that Eddie gets to make an impression and meet new friends -not that they’ll be able to replace his old ones but new place means new things-

“I swear I won’t talk about your cutie bootie.”

-And same old Richie.

Richie smirks in the mirror and Eddie just sighs, knowing that Richie will  _try_  but it won’t be perfect. Either way it will probably end with Eddie laughing and Richie smiling.

“Ok-,” Eddie’s timer goes off on his watch, “oh! Okay let’s go!” He nearly shouts, grabbing his new floral print fanny pack and hooking it around his waist. Hey, he said he could be someone knew but that doesn’t mean he’ll change everything- besides his old fanny pack was black and this one isn’t. See-new.

“Ready.” Richie groans, rolling off the bed and landing lazily as he grabs his cigarettes, shoving them in his back pocket. He towers over Eddie with the black boots he’s wearing -actually he always towers over Eddie. He has on a white Rolling Stones tank top and black jeans- if Eddie has to put his thoughts in here he would say Richie looks “so fucking sexy”.

“Okay.” Eddie repeats and leads the two of them out of his dorm and out towards the school’s student center where the event is taking place. They pass a few people in the dorm hallway, Eddie gives them each a squeaky ‘hi’ while Richie just waves sleepily. Eddie’s hands are a bit clammy and shaky but Richie doesn’t seem to mind as taps his long fingers against his hand whenever they brush together.

He’s nervous- fuck he’s nervous. Should he take Richie’s hand in his? Should he risk being out? People are gay. College is scary enough should Eddie worry about being gay in college- people don’t bully in college he should be okay...right?  _Fuck!_  He’s wearing his damn engagement ring. Should he keep it on? Let the whole college know he’s gay. Will that’d be bad or will that be good?

“Fuck.” Eddie whispers, his hands beginning to shake. He can see the student center building. Richie’s hand brushes his own and quickly Eddie places his hand on his fanny pack. Fanny pack! In college? Is this cool? Should he worry about this too? What about his hair? He brush and styled it but does he look okay?

His breath quickens an unreasonable amount. His thoughts seems to move twice as fast.

This is so new and different and even with Richie by his side Eddie thinks he’s gonna fuck it up. He’s gonna fuck up making friends. He’s gonna fuck up his classes. He’s gonna fuck up and his mom will drag him back home. Richie will leave him. And he’ll be alone and a hypochondriac because who are we kidding, he’s always going to be a hypochondriac. A fucked up germaphobe who can’t touch a fucking door handle let alone his used school books without wiping each fucking page down even if there are a thousand of them oh my fuc-.

“Ed’s?” Richie is standing in front of him, both hands on the smaller man’s shoulders and his eyes staring deeply in Eddie’s through his slightly scratched glasses. Oh,  _Richie_. Richie who’s going to live out his dorm room and grow to hate Eddie and his problems and his failures-.”

“Hey, you okay? You need your inhaler?” He places on hand on Eddie’s fanny pack, fiddling with the zipper.

Eddie shakes his head. He looks around and mentally thanks Richie for taking him into a random bathroom so that no one will see him. Maybe he’s not ready for college, maybe he’s-.

“Stop thinking.” Richie taps him gently on his forehead with a small crooked smile. Eddie sees a small fear in Richie’s eyes; Eddie thinks his own eyes must be wide and full of more fear than Richie’s. God he’s so pathetic.

“I-.” He tries to talk, not realizing that his chest is a big tighter than normal and his breath is fast. Maybe he needs his inhaler- he looks at Richie’s chest and watches as it rises and falls. He copies him, Richie saves him-  _always_.

“Whatever is going through this cute little head of yours just, stop. You can do this, I’m right here, you can do this-  _we_  can do this.” Richie whispers with the smell of candy and cigarettes from his mouth. They’ve come this far- maybe Richie’s right,  _they_  can do this.

Eddie rubs his ring finger with his thumb. His heart skips each time he touches the ring sitting there. Slowly he nods his head.

*

“Paranormal Society?” Eddie repeats to the women talking to him. He stares wide eyed at their booth or lack of. It’s just a table with a single piece of paper which of course would only interest Richie who was the one that dragged him over to the table.

“Yes,” she answers, “we investigate-.”

“Wait, let me guess. You investigate the paranormal?” Richie smirks. Eddie elbows him in the ribs.

“ _Yes_.” She growls at Richie. Legit growls. She’s thin, very thin, with the frizziest hair that Eddie has ever seen. It’s also a deep brown with one pink streak done the right side. Her follow club members stand behind the table and stare bored at Eddie and Richie. They are an odd bunch, different shapes and sizes, different attitudes and smells wafting off of them. Eddie can’t judge though- that’s probably what the loser club looked like to most people.

“Interesting… do you have a flyer I can have?” Eddie squeaks, wanting to be far away from here.

“Here.” One of the follow club members grunts out, handing Richie a small piece of grey paper.

“Wow, this is fuck-.”

“Thank you so much.” Eddie fake smiles and grabs Richie’s hand to drag him away.

“Well, we are off to a rough start I’d say.” Richie crumbs up the flyer and tosses it the sorority girls’ booth. They glare at him.

“Yeah and you seem to be making enemies instead of friends.” Eddie let’s go of his hand but Richie just throws his arms around the small boys shoulder. “How do we even make friends? The last friend I made was Bev and she was because of Bill. Wait a minute-,” He stops walking, “I’ve met all my friends through Bill. I should fucking call him and ask him to come help me make friends-.”

“Oh Eddie Spaghetti, don’t you worry. We don’t need Billy, I can make us friends just fine.” Eddie snorts at him, his anxiety seems to be on high alert today.

“Hello fuckers.” Richie says, pulling Eddie over to a booth that Eddie doesn’t read the name of. There’s about seven people behind the booth, men and women. They all are wearing a white shirt that has a rainbow on it with an assortment of letters,  _LGBT_ \- whatever that means.

“What?” Someone says, a man who has bright blonde hair with lip ring.

“Richie Tozier at your service. This is my adorable colleague Eddie Spaghetti the third.” Richie bows towards them.

“It’s just Eddie, this dick thinks he is clever.” He tell them, shaking Richie’s arm off him. The later places his hand on the booths table, leaning casually. Eddie admires him quickly.

“Kevin.” A guy holding a clipboard says, holding his hand out to Richie, who shakes it and then to Eddie. The small boy looks at the hand and shakes it quickly. He unconsciously places his left hand on his fanny pack where wet wipes lay.  _Later_ , he tells himself.

“I love the lip ring.” Richie tells the man. “Do you think I could pull it off, Ed’s?” He looks to the smaller man.

“Don’t call me that.” Is all Eddie answers thinking about good Richie would look with a lip ring. How it would fuck Eddie up every time they kissed. Maybe one day.

“You two freshman?” A girl walks closer to the boys talking. She places a hand on Kevin’s shoulder and chops her gum loudly eyeing up Richie and Eddie.

“Freshman in college but seniors in bed.” Richie winks at her, Eddie pitches him. “Ow! Ed’s, what the fuck?”

“Don’t call me that.” His face is red, “And stop embarrassing me.” Richie holds his hands up in defeat, Eddie nods and turns towards the girl. “We are, just moved in yesterday from Maine.” Eddie smiles at her.

“That’s pretty interesting.” Kevin says and he sounds like he means it. “Well, welcome to NYU. You’ll enjoy it, everyone is pretty friendly and don’t worry too much we are all struggling to succeed.”

Eddie makes a mental note to remember that a later date.

“Anyways, this is the LGBT club on campus. There is around 30 members and counting. Again, I’m Kevin and I’m the president, Lisa here is the VP” the girl next to him pops a bubble, “and behind us we have Shawn the treasurer, Carl the secretary, Sally the social coordinator, and Conner and Chelsea who are very helpful members.” Each of them nod or smile whenever they are introduced. Eddie smiles back to each of them, they seem friendly already and they have a rainbow on their shirt; can’t get much nicer than that.

“We host parties and events such as fundraisers to promote equal rights-.”

“Question,” Richie interrupts, raising his hand, “does every member get one of these cool shirts?”

“Yes, all members get a shirt and all our fun benefits for a membership fee of $15.” Lisa answer. Richie slides over to Eddie and whispers loudly in his ear.

“You should join baby, you’d look so cute in that shirt..” Eddie rolls his eyes at him and whispers back.

“I don’t even know what the club is, Richie what does LGBT even stand for? Letter Grades-.”

“Obviously it means, Ladies Got Big Tities-”

“Shut the fuck up, Richie I’m serious-.”

“I’m serious too-.”

“No you’re not, you’re just being an annoying fucker.”

“That’s not what your mom said when we fucked yesterda-..”

“Actually,” Kevin interrupts, obviously hearing their very loud whisper conversation. Richie isn’t good at those, never was, never will be. “LGBT doesn’t stand for ladies got big tities but that would be awesome if it did,” he chuckles. “LGBT means Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender. Our club-.”

“Oh.” Eddie tunes him out for a second, looking sideways at Richie. The ring on his finger very heavy for some reason. A good heavy though. A heavy that can be fixed by holding Richie’s hand. A heavy that won’t be bullied or hurt because there are accepting  _groups_  out there. People the two Maine boys can relate too. Maybe this can be a good new start for them.

“-I’m not trying to assume anyone’s sexuality here but all of your sexualities are welcome in this club.” Eddie tunes back in just in time to hear the best part. He gently taps Richie’s hand with his own and slowly he feels the large one slipping into his own.

“Sign us the fuck up, Mr. Kev.” Richie says in a British accent, smiling at Eddie.

“Of course!” Kevin nearly shouts and hands them each the clipboard, discussing the club meeting time and place. The other members chat behind him, seeming excited about having the two boys joining. Well, Eddie joining and Richie joining illegally but still.

Eddie needs to stop worrying over everything because college is about to be so good.

*

College is so fucking bad.

Eddie has managed to get lost and be late for all of his classes the whole first week. He asked a few older looking students for help whenever he couldn’t find his classes but they all seemed to point him in different directions. He also got stuck sitting in odd seats because they were the only ones left when he got there. Thankfully though the professors don’t yell at him like in High School, they just smile and continue taking.

Of course Eddie has ranted about his fuck ups each day to Richie who for some reason always seems to be in the same spot that Eddie left him it. It’s odd for Richie to do that, usually that boy would be breaking beakers in the science building by now. Eddie asks him what he’s done while he was at class and all he gets in response is a shrug. It slightly worries Eddie but not as much as he worries about all the chapters he needs to read for his classes tomorrow. But first- dinner.

“Come on,” Eddie nudges Richie who is half asleep on the bed.

“Hmm?” He groans, waving a hand as if that will get Eddie to leave him be.

“Get up, Richie I’m starving.” Eddie shakes his fiancé harder.

“Not now Ed’s, you can eat my dick later I promise.” The smaller boy rolls his eyes.

“Move Richie, you’ve been stuck in this room all day let’s go explore outside of NYU and find some pizza or something.”

Richie just groans at him. Shaking his head Eddie climbs onto the slightly high bed and straddles Richie’s stomach. He plants his butt back right above Richie’s lower half and grabs both of the taller boys lengthy arms. Slowly he begins to slap the hands together.

“Get! Up!” He shouts with a smile on his face. Richie smiles back and opens one eye suspiciously looking at Eddie. The smaller boy places Richie’s hands on his waist and leans down so they’re face to face. He blows gently on Richie’s cheek, his curls moving slightly on his forehead.

“I can’t seem to get up, Ed’s. There is a little bunny rabbit on my stomach.” He teases now watching Eddie with both eyes, his glasses are off and lying on the bedside table.

“Sorry, the bunny seems to love the trashmouth underneath him.” He teases back, shaking his butt a bit. “The bunny is hungry.” He pouts and bumps their noses together.

“Maybe a few kisses from the bunny could help the trashmouth get up and get them some fucking food.” Richie smiles, running his hands up and down Eddie’s back. The smaller boy blushes and leans down to press their lips together. It’s a sweet kiss but Richie still manages to get his long tongue into the other’s mouth. Eddie hums into the kiss as he puts his hands on the other’s chest, feeling the thin soft fabric between his fingers.

“I love you.” The words slip out of Eddie’s mouth and into Richie’s. He moves their mouths apart and looks into Richie’s eyes with a blush.

“Good thing that’s what this is about.” He grabs Eddie’s left hand and uses his long fingers to fiddle with the tiny ring there. “Did you know that this is a size 6 ring in women’s? You got some tiny fucking fingers Ed’s.”

“That’s not what your sister said when I fingered her last night.” Richie chokes on air. Eddie smirks and slowly moves out of his fiancés grip and hops off the bed. “Can we go eat now?”

“Fine, fine,” Richie slips off the bed and grabs his cigarettes and Eddie’s hand. “I wonder if New York has a place that serves rabbit.” Eddie just laughs and yanks him outside.

*

Turns out Eddie had a quiz today in his Introduction to Anthropology class. Which is an interesting yet different class that Eddie was sorted into because he doesn’t have a major yet. Anyways he failed because he didn’t know there was a quiz and therefore he didn’t study. Everyone else apparently did though. Fuck them. Plus who gives a quiz on the second fucking week.

“I didn’t know there was a quiz today,” he tells Professor Cuda after class. “Am I still going to pass the class? I will be more than willing to do extra credit work if that is an option- basically I’ll do anything. I really enjoy his class and I don’t want to fail-.”

“What’s your name again?” She asks nicely. She’s a nice looking women with brown short hair with bangs that always has on funny looking shirt.

“Eddie, Eddie Kaspbrak.” He answers quickly, all the other students have long gone left the classroom.

“Eddie, don’t worry so much over it. We are only in the second week of the semester, you have so many other opportunities and assignments for you to keep your grade up.” She stuffs her things into her bag.

“So, I’ll be okay?” He fiddled with his fanny pack which draws her attention his hands- more specifically his ring.

“You will be okay,” She reassures him. “Who’s the lucky fiancé?” She asks causing his face to flush.

“My childhood best friend.” He says quietly and for some reason Richie must know that they’re talking about him because he pokes his head into the classroom.

“Hey! Spaghetti, let’s fucking go we are gonna be late for that meeting. Stop flirting with your professor.” He yells towards him. Eddie’s face is red hot and he turns to glare daggers at Richie before turning back to his professor who is chuckling.

“Ignore him. He’s a trashmouth. Anyways, thank you professor and have a nice day.” He moves out the room as fast as his two legs can move.

“If you do take up his offer to fuck Prof. I’m all down for a threesome, I can do-.” Eddie grabs him by the shirt and yanks him out of the classroom and building faster than humanly possible. “Whoa slow down their short stack-.”

“I said don’t fucking embarrasses me-.”

“I thought that was for the first day-.”

“It’s for every fucking day.” Eddie hisses, he’s not angry just embarrassed so embarrassed that he’s debating dropping the class.

“Well-.”

“Eddie! Richie!” Someone shouts and the two boys look over to see Kevin walking up to them. “How are you two? Ready for the meeting?” He asks.

“Yes, we were just headed over to it.” Eddie smiles.

“Perfect! We can all walk together.” And he begins to lead them in the right direction. “So, how is did your first week go?”

“Not too good but too bad.” Eddie grips Richie’s hand and moves his little legs to keep up with the two taller men who seem to be fucking speed walking to the meeting.

“Richie?” Kevin asks.

“Eh,” He shrugs. “Kinda boring.” Eddie can’t help but feel responsible for that. Richie is here because of him. Maybe he’s regretting everything. What does he do in the dorm when Eddie is in class? Does he just sit in the window and smoke cigarettes. Maybe he’s wishing to be someplace else. Some place without Eddie?

“Stop thinking.” Said boy whispers into Eddie’s ear, he nods. Kevin is talking in front of them, blabbering about nonsense as he leads them into the classroom the meeting is occurring in. There are about 15 other people sitting and chatting around the classroom. They all quiet down as Kevin walks into the room, greeting him with a hello.

“Hey guys!” He sounds surprised. “I brought some new members with us-“ He gestures over to Eddie and Richie. “This is Eddie and Richie, they are from Maine.” He tells the group.

“If this isn’t the most colorful hair group I’ve ever fucking scene.” Richie says, Eddie just rolls his eyes at him and internally agrees. There’s normal hair colors plus blue hair, green hair and an obnoxious bubble gum pink hair. “You would totally fucking suit pink hair.” Richie whispers to him as he pulls Eddie over to a seat.

“You’d look good with blue hair.” Eddie whispers back honestly. Richie hums in agreement.

“So, I think we should go around the room. Say your name and your sexuality but only if you’re comfortable.” Kevin announces, “I’ll start, I’m Kevin Trim and I’m pansexual.” Lisa goes next; lesbian. It continues around the room. Mostly gay and lesbian, some bisexual and even an asexual. When it’s Eddie’s turn his palms are sweaty and his face is red but he stands up anyways.

“Hi, I’m Eddie Kaspbrak and I’m gay.” He breaths out, ignoring all the negative thoughts that always occur whenever he says it out loud. Quickly he sits down and Richie lazily stands up for his turn.

“Richie Tozier, bisexual.” He waves and winks before sitting back down. “Your face is so red are you breathing okay?” He whispers to Eddie.

“I’m fucking fine.” He lies. He isn’t. Why can’t he just be fine? He’s gay, that doesn’t bother him. What bothers him is that no one shouted terrible things at him. Back in Maine the losers just accepted Eddie and Richie and never truly said he was gay. The only two people he actually said it to was Richie and his mom. His mom who tried to put him on new medicine. His mom says she accepted him but wears disgust on her face every time she looks at him. Oh god-.

“Let’s go.” Richie is grabbing his hand and pulling him out of the meeting before Eddie even realizes. Richie leads them into the closest bathroom and shoves Eddie into the handicap stall, locking the door behind him.

“What the fuck?” Eddie snaps. “I’m fine Richie, stop it.” He swats Richie’s hands away from where they are trying to grip is face.

“You’re not fucking fine. I fucking know you Eddie, you’re breathing so fast and your eyes weren’t focusing on anything-.”

“You can’t just keep fucking saving me every time you see me overthinking, Richie!” Eddie shouts, his voice echoing in the empty bathroom.

“I’m your fiancé, of course I’m gonna fucking save you.” Richie leans down so they’re the same height. Eddie heart skips as he sees the worry and love on Richie’s face. His fiancé loves him so fucking much.

“You’re too good to me, trashmouth.” Eddie sighs and leans their foreheads together.

“Only the best for my favorite plate of spaghetti.” He kisses Eddie’s nose.

“We should go back inside.” Eddie whispers.

“No, we will show up to the next meeting. Besides we gotta get $15 together so I can get that shirt for you. Little Eddie in a rainbow shirt. I’m gonna cut it so it’s like a belly shirt-.”

Eddie just hugs him.

*

“Rich?” Eddie mumbles out, blindly reaching out for his fiancé who is not in their bed. His eyes slip open wondering why Richie isn’t next to him in bed. It takes a bit for his eyes to focus on the dark room but the smell of cigarettes and the outside air draws his eyes over to the window. Richie sits on the ledge, staring up at the moon with a cigarette between his fingers.

Eddie frowns and slips out of the covers and off the bed with a small thud. Richie doesn’t turn around, probably too caught up in thoughts. Eddie wonders what he’s thinking about. They had a good day, hung out with Lisa and Kevin from LGBT and went to a pizza place for dinner. Richie seemed in a good mood but then again this is Richie who can’t express any emotions without struggling.

“Hey.” Eddie wraps his arms around himself and shivers from the fall breeze near the window. He slips onto his desk which sits by the window with his knees up to his chest and his chin resting on them. Richie glances over at him before taking another hit from the cigarette.

“Go back to bed you’re gonna get sick from the cold air.” Richie whispers.

“I could say the same to you.” Eddie tells him. “Did you know that-.”

“Beep beep Eddie.” The small boy freezes, his heart dropping because when has Richie ever said that to him.  _Never_. No, something is seriously wrong. Why would Richie say that to him? Why just not tell him to shut up like normal? Why use something like- like  _that_? That’s only used on Richie when he doesn’t know he’s going too far. It’s not for Eddie.

That just tells Eddie that whatever is bothering Richie is bad. It bothers Richie that much that he uses his own phase on Eddie. Instead of fighting, though, Eddie goes for the support. He clears his throat and looks up at Richie.

“Whatever is bothering you at 3 in the morning, you know you can tell me. I might be able to-.”

“I said shut the fuck up Eddie. I’m not in the mood.” Richie takes a long puff from his cigarettes. Eddie sighs, tears in his eyes because Richie has never been this mean to him- this seriously mean to him. He sits there for 10 minutes, waiting to see if Richie will say anything. When nothing happens Eddie places his hand on Richie’s side, reminding him that he is here and if he wants to talk Eddie is ready to listen..

“Go to bed, Ed’s.” Richie whispers. Eddie watches as a tear slips from his fiancés eyes. Instead of listening to Richie he slowly leans his head into the other's side.

They don’t sleep that night.

*

It's six weeks into the semester when Eddie comes back from his Economics class in tears.

“I’m dropping out.” He cries out, slamming the door closes and throwing himself down on his bed.

“What happened Ed’s? Do I need to fuck someone up?” Richie puts out his cigarette and walks over to the small boy on the bed..

“I’m such a fucking dumbass Richie. I studied so hard for my test today and it was so hard. I’m gonna fail and then get kicked out of college and we’ll be living on the streets because I’d die before moving back to Derry-.” He hiccups and wipes the tears that are falling quickly from his eyes.

“Hey, hey. Stop talking you’re gonna overwork yourself.” Richie tells him, sitting on the bed and holding his left hand. His other hand strokes through Eddie’s hair. “First off, you’re not gonna fail so stop thinking you’re going to fucking fail.” He tells the boy. “You’re Eddie fucking Kaspbrak. You’re the smartest person I know- well besides myself. So what? You didn’t do too well on this test, that’s okay because you’re only six weeks into the semester-.”

“Yeah, but now it’s just going to get harder and I’ll keep failing and-.” Richie sits him up and adjusts their positions so that they’re seated against the wall with Eddie’s head resting on the other boy’s chest. Richie continues to gently stroke his hair.

“If it gets harder then we will work harder. Less fucking and more library sessions for us.” He teases, Eddie chuckles through his tears, wiping his nose on Richie’s shirt- neither of them care.

“What if I still fail?” He asks, voice small.

“Then we move into Bill and Stan’s dorm in Georgia. They get one bed, we get the other bed. We can get a job running the local arcade or something. Next thing you know we are controlling the fucking world.

“We go from working at an arcade to ruling the world.” Eddie has stopping crying now but Richie doesn’t let go.

“I have full belief in us. I have full fucking belief in you.” He kisses Eddie’s head. Another thought pops into Eddie’s head.

“Why?” Eddie feels tears rise again in his eyes, something overwhelming him, something draining him. “Why do I always need saving?” He croaks out.

“Everyone needs saving.” Richie tells him. His trashmouth is quiet, a bit too quiet and if Eddie wasn’t so focused on his own thoughts he would have noticed a wet tear slip hit his hair.

*

The LGBT club invited Eddie and Richie to a party. It’s held at someone’s house off campus. Eddie decides to wear white jeans and a pink T-shirt while Richie wears black jeans and his tank top Nirvana shirt. They arrive at the party around 10 and are greeted by Lisa who shoves a cup of liquor in each of their hands.

Eddie looks inside the red cup, a brown assortment of alcohol stares back at him. It smells strong and disgusting, will probably only take him three cups until he’s on his ass. Ignoring the worries and wanting to forget about the stress of college for one night be looks up at Richie.

“Are you ready forget tonight?” Richie asks holding his cup up towards the smaller boy, obviously thinking the same thing.

“Are you ready to carry my small ass home?” Eddie smiles.

“Don’t I always.” They tap their cups together and throw the drink down their throats.

*

Eddie wakes up wearing only his boxers. Wait no- these are Richie’s boxers. He’s lying on the bed- no wait he’s laying fully on Richie who is laying on the bed. Eddie’s arms are curled under him and digging probably uncomfortably into Richie’s flat stomach. He groans and forbids to open his eyes and instead digs his face deeper into the taller man’s neck. Which weirdly smells like oranges.

His brain is fuzzy, probably because he’s still a bit drunk and also because his head hurts so badly that if he moves it one inch he swears it will explode. He cuddles deeper into Richie, ignoring the sweat rolling off both their bodies and focuses on the rise and fall of his fiancé chest. He sifts his lower half of the body slightly, his legs straddling Richie’s thin frame. Eddie’s ankle brushes up against Richie’s leg, it’s then when he realizes that Richie isn’t wearing anything at it. If Eddie sat up right now he wouldn’t be surprised if there was cum between their bodies. He also would probably projectile vomit all over Richie and his bed, so bad idea.

Richie, oh lord what did they do last night. Eddie remembers a few vague things. They danced a lot, made out in the houses bathroom and danced some more. Somewhere in there Eddie lost his pants, they’re probably on the bathroom floor along with Richie’s vomit. He vomited last night. Oh that’s right! Richie threw up on Eddie’s pants. No surprise there, not the first time that has happened. Eddie remembers a bit now, Richie had to throw up when they were making out and threw up all over Eddie’s jeans. Eddie then forced Richie to give him his boxers because Eddie’s are a bit...revealing.

What happened after that?

“You gave me three bottles of water to drink and pulled out a granola bar from your fanny pack.” Richie voices from above Eddie’s head. The words slur together that Eddie swears Richie didn’t actually make a coherent sentence.

“The fuck?” Eddie croaks out, his voice dry.

“You think out loud a lot more than you think in your head.” Richie explains, his voice deep with sleep. “You also stood on a coffee table so that you could dance and be taller than me. You fucking minx.” Eddie can hear him smiling.

“How do you remember so much more than me?” Eddie’s mouth is against Richie’s throat.

“Your inner mom came out and forced me to have water with almost every drink I had. You on the other hand do not like water when you’re drunk.”

Eddie just groans.

“You’re so tiny, I’m surprised your body could hold so much last night.” Richie’s left hand rests again Eddie’s lower back, the other one on the back of Eddie’s thigh.

“So I didn’t throw up?” Eddie smiles, proud of himself.

“Oh, no you did.” He frowns. “Multiple times actually. And then you started crying and reciting health facts about alcohol poisoning.” Richie chuckles at the memory, the movement makes Eddie’s stomach flip.

“Did we do anything else embarrassing?” Eddie mumbles.

“You? Well, you just danced a lot, fucking threw up and then passed out half way on the walk home. Me? I threw up and I’m pretty sure I pissed on someone passed out in the backyard. It was either a person or a weirdly shaped bush with long blonde hair.”

If Eddie was alive and sitting up he would throw his head back laughing but instead he just giggles in Richie’s neck. Slowly his body starts to ache from being in such an odd position all night. He tries to move but his stomach keeps on flipping.

“How did we even get in this position?” He growls, wishing he could sit up- he does need to pee a bit.

“I was cold and couldn’t get under the blanket so I used use as my blanket.” Eddie blink his eyes open he can see the blanket below them. “Drunk us, are not smart.”

“Not at all.” He moves slowly so that he can looks at Richie’s face. He’s not wearing his glasses and there is a red lipstick kiss on his cheek. Eddie glares at him.

“I saved your life last night why are you looking at me like I fucked your mom.” Richie teases, squeezes Eddie’s back.

“Beep Beep, Trashmouth. Who kissed you last night?” Eddie nearly growls.

“Uh, you did dipshit. We just went over that.” Eddie rolls his eyes.

“Then why is there a lipstick kiss on your face.” He sits up more, ignoring the protest in his stomach and his dry sticky stomach. Eddie crosses his arms over his chest, holding back the vomit that is inching upwards.

“Why is their lipstick on your lips?” Richie raises an eyebrow. Eddie touches his fingers to his lips and pulls back to show sticky red. He then looks at Richie’s neck which is not only full of hickeys but has a spot of red lip marks from where Eddie was sleeping.

“What the actual fuck?” Eddie looks around the bed and sees the object. A gold tube lays on Eddie’s pillow at the top of the bed. He reaches out and grabs it- his stomach protests the movement.

“Whoa, who gave you that? I don’t remember ever having that and trust me I notice everything you wear.” Richie sits up on his elbows.

“I’m not sure. That’s disgusting, you know how many germs are on this and I used it and I kissed you with it-.” Eddie wipes his mouth with the back of his hands

“I like it, it suits you.” Richie tells him and for some reason all the germs disappear from his mind. He also decides to slip the lipstick in his fanny pack while grabbing for Richie’s glasses.

*

“I got a job.” Richie tells Eddie the week before thanksgiving break over dinner.

“What?” Eddie freezes from where he is shoving his salad into his mouth.

“At the local radio station a few blocks over,” Richie points in a random direction with his fork.

“Did you get your own radio show!?” Eddie nearly jumps out of his seat with pride.

“Calm your tits, Ed’s. It’s just an assistant job. I’m basically a bitch boy to the other hosts but hey it pays.”

“I’m so happy for you!” Eddie shouts, drawing attention to them as he leans over the table to kiss Richie’s cheek. “When do you start?” He asks excitedly.

“Tomorrow morning, I need to be there at 8am. 8 fucking A.M. even Australia isn’t up at that time, Spaghetti.” He throws his head back dramatically, his curls fanning around his head as he lets out a loud long groan.

“Don’t worry about that. They’re going to love you, just be yourself and keep using your dumb voices and you’ll have your own show in no time.” Eddie smiles at him and Richie looks at that comment with a raised eyebrow.

“You really think so?” He asks, trying not to look nervous but smirking. Eddie knows Richie’s ways, he’s not dumb.

“I have no doubt that you’ll make the most perfect radio host ever.” Eddie tells him.

“A radio host and small anthropologist at his side.” Richie smirked, biting into his chicken. Eddie finally picked a major, he declared it yesterday actually. Anthropology. Thank his professor for convincing him by giving him a 104% on his midterm.

“We are gonna conquer the world!” Richie shouts, jumping onto his chair and gaining attention from whole cafeteria but most importantly a blush from Eddie.

*

“Where’s your crazy friend been? He hasn’t picked you up for a few days” Professor Cuba asks Eddie. Class is over and he’s packing up his back, ready to enjoy Thanksgiving break with Richie. They have amazing plans to spend it in his dorm room with a small turkey Richie bought as well as a candle for decoration. They are going all out -college style- it’s bound to be amazing. Anything with Richie is amazing.

“He has a job and doesn’t get off until the class is over, we just meet in my dorm now.” Eddie smiles at her.

“Good for him. He does seem pretty keen of you.” She tells him and looks down at his left hand, “is he the one who told gave you that?”

“Yes,” Eddie whispers with a blush.

“When’s the wedding?” She asks.

“Um,” he bites his lip, “we haven’t really discussed it. He asked to marry me and then we had a few weeks before coming here and we haven’t had a lot of time to think about it.” He explains, truthfully. Saying it all out loud fully hits Eddie of how shitty of a fiancé he’s been. He loves Richie. He wants to marry him but here Eddie is ignoring him and focusing on his school. All those times he woke up or came back from class to Richie silently smoking must have been because Eddie has been ignoring him. Oh lord, he probably thinks that Eddie hates him. Fuck- Richie why can’t you speak up.

“When I got married we went straight to the courthouse.” She tells him.

“Gay-Marriage isn’t legal yet.” Eddie sighs, coming to the conclusion that even if Richie and him want to get married they can’t. How can they-.

“Not yet, but maybe all you need is promise. That way you’ll be married between your own eyes. Now, I have to get going, my husband is waiting for me. We are going to his family’s house for Thanksgiving. Wish me luck.”

“Good luck.” He says and with a smile she’s out of the classroom.

Slowly Eddie walks home, letting his mind run. His professor is right. He needs to get married, in any sense of the word. He fucking loves Richie, more than anything. Maybe he’s been denying that love for Richie by focusing on himself and school. While that is important nothing is as important has his other half. Richie who saves Eddie from all his anxiety attacks. Now it’s Eddie’s time to do what Richie does for him.

If marriage means one thing it is that you help and accept the problems of your spouse because what is their problem is your problem. While they aren’t married yet- they want to be so Eddie needs to treat Richie less like a boyfriend and more like a husband. _Husbands_. That’s what they are. They don’t need the titles- officially. They need each other to know that. All this time Richie has already known this fact- he’s already been acting like a true husband in his own way. While Eddie is over here- failing at it.

When Eddie falls into overthinking Richie is there to pull him back out.. When Eddie is stressing about grades and classes, Richie is at his side to reassure him. Now here is Richie feeling lonely and probably lost while Eddie is in class. He’s been smoking more, Eddie’s noticed that.. All those times that Eddie has come back from class or woke up to Richie sitting on the window ledge. He tried to help but obviously not enough. He tried as a boyfriend and not as a fiancé- as a husband.

From here on out it's Eddie’s job to make Richie feel happy and loved.

*

There a two weeks of school left when Eddie skips his Introduction to Music class to decorate his dorm room. He puts up paper hearts that he cut up along the wall. Candles spaced weirdly on his desk that kind of makes it look like a shrine but he doesn’t light them because that’s a fire hazard. There’s also red pieces of paper that he’s cut to be fake rose petals -more like bad circles- laid over the doorway. It’s not perfect decorating but it's good enough.

The plan is for Richie to come in and Eddie to tell him everything about how he’s feelings and etc. etc. -we will get there, okay. Then he’ll present Richie his own engagement ring. They can’t get married but that doesn’t mean Richie can’t know how important Richie is to him- which he is already his husband.

Eddie paces the room, waiting the few minutes until Richie will get here. He runs over things in his head. Runs over the important things in his life. They all start and end with Richie. He’ll do anything for the tall trashmouth of a man. Eddie will- the door handle jiggles and he jumps back, fiddling with his fanny pack.

“-Forget the hearse cause I'll never die,

I got nine lives cat's eyes.” Richie sings, his Walkman in his hands and headphones around the curly hair. When he spots Eddie he smiles he yanks off the headphones. “Ed’s!” He smiles and begins to walk towards the smaller boy. He freezes when his big eyes notice the hearts around the room.

“Welcome back from work.” Eddie’s voice is high pitched and his hands are sweating profusely. He wipes them on his sweatpants.

“What’s with all the fucking hearts?” Richie gestures and sets down his bag on the floor, it’s then he notices the fake rose petals. “And those too?” He points at them, looking worried at Eddie.

“I have a few things to say.” Eddie breaths out.

“Okay? Should I be worried? Is this like the time you lost my comic book?” He crosses his arms.

“No.” Eddie winces at the memory. “But it is an apology.”

“An apology for what?” Richie questions, worry in his voice. Eddie takes three deep breaths before diving into his speech.

“I’ve been terrible to you since we got here. I’ve been so focused on my grades and being in college that I’ve ignored you- my fiancé.”

Richie looks at the ground and Eddie knows that he’s right. It only seems to make him feel shittier.

“Here I am experiencing college with you- or so I thought. I didn’t think how you’re in the background of everything. Living out of  _my_  dorm room. Waiting for me to come back from  _my_ classes. Going with me to the library to study for  _my_  tests-“ he rubs his face, feeling even more shitty saying everything he did wrong out loud. He looks at Richie’s face who is blank but Eddie can’t deny the tears he sees in his eyes.

“I’m so fucking sorry Richie. I’ve been ignoring your feelings. You’re probably so lonely and bored here. It makes it even worse that I’ve basically forgot that you’re my fiancé-that we are supposed to get  _married_. I haven’t mentioned it once since being here. Us, getting married, I want it so fucking bad it hurts. But gay marriage isn’t legal yet. But that doesn’t mean we aren’t husbands- because we are. So far you’re the best husband ever and now I’m going to be a better one. To prove it,” He unzips his fanny pack and puts a shaking hand inside of it. He moves past the lipstick to the round object inside. “Please forgive my neglect these few months and accept  _my_  proposal.”

“Huh?” Richie finally grunts.

“Marry me, Richie.” Eddie holds out the ring, smiling through tears at his already fiancé.

“Oh, Ed’s.” Richie grabs the ring with the hand and pulls Eddie flush against him. “Eddie Tozier, that’s your new name.” He leans down and kisses him. Eddie kisses back just as hard, the ring slipping from his hand into Richie’s. Eddie Tozier doesn’t sound  _terrible_.

“Rich,” He whispers into Richie’s mouth, “next time you feel neglected and lonely fucking talk to me so that it doesn’t take me forever to figure out and I don’t feel like such a piece of shit.” He wraps his arms around Richie’s neck and leans back to hang off him.

“You know I’m not good at that stuff.” Richie leans down and buries his face into Eddie’s neck. He places both hands on Eddie’s back, hugging him close. Even though the shirt Eddie can feel the ring Richie must have slipped on. It feels warm, welcoming and loving. Is that how Richie feels when Eddie touches him with his ring.

“I know,” Eddie thinks back to their road trip and how hard it was for Richie to tell him  _anything_. “But, just try. Start by telling me something is wrong. You don’t need to say what, but just tell me. I’m your husband now, husbands share each other’s pain.”

“Okay, babe.” Richie mumbles into his neck and even those his glasses dig in to Eddie’s skin he pulls him in closer.

“Remember what you told me- everyone needs saving.”

*

When the semester ends and winter break hits Eddie fills out a school form requesting to stay on campus for the break. Neither Richie nor him wish to go back to Derry for their Christmas. Instead Richie spends some money on decoration and a small tree for Eddie’s dorm room. Eddie squeaks with glee when he sees Richie dragging a two foot tree into the room. Eddie and Richie both promise to not buy each other presents and instead save up for an apartment that they can move into after Eddie’s freshman year.

Eddie also finishes his semester with passing grades and for a gift Richie fucks in a random classroom. Professor Cuda tells him that she’s never had a student do so well in her class before even though he missed that one quiz. The LGBT club  _finally_  gave Richie and Eddie their membership shirts. Richie immediately took Eddie’s to the fashion building and begged them to make it into a cute belly shirt. Eddie kind of loves him for it because damn- he does look good in it. Fuck it when Richie’s right.

“Are you almost done? I’m fucking freezing my balls off.” Eddie is huddled under his blanket, glaring at Richie who is sitting in the window tapping out his cigarette with his ring shining in the little sun. Turns out New York in the window is sun for five minutes and snow for the rest of the day.

“As long as your dick stays on you’ll be okay.” Richie jokes and puts out the cigarette. He hops back into the room and shuts the window. “I’m sad.” He whispers to Eddie, the smaller boy sits up. He’s happy that Richie is finally talking, even if it’s a little. Eddie opens up the blanket to him.

“Come here.” And Richie does, joining Eddie under the million blankets and hugging the smaller boy close.

“I wish we could get married.” He tells Eddie.

“Me too.” Eddie looks at him. The love of his life. The trashmouth of Derry and now the trashmouth of New York. He takes his hand under the covers, letting their rings tap together. Richie leans down and kisses him with a smile. “We are married. In our own ways and mind.”

“I love you.” Richie whispers.

“I love you, too.” Eddie kisses him deeply.

“I’m also sad because I miss your mom.” He whispers into Eddie’s mouth.

“Too bad she isn’t a homewrecker.” Eddie whispers back.

“Well fuck then. Oh well, I guess you’re second best then.” Eddie just kisses him harder.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Mistakes? Thoughts? Anything else, let me know!
> 
> Thanks for reading.


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